the ones who are kindest, smile the brightest, and are the wisest
by TaylorHolmes-Vargas
Summary: The lonliest people are the kindest. The saddest people smile the brightest. The most damaged people are the wisest. Sherlock jumped, and now he's dead. John is trying to cope. Johnlock. rM for launguage and maybe a lime in later chapters ;). ( Spoilers! Sherlock isn't dead, so this will have a happy ending, just thought to put that out there! ) .
1. Prologue

Prolougue

John's POV

You look right through me and never see the pain,

but if I told you, you would never look at me the same

they see the smiles, but never see the tears

even if my sleeve rode up and showed these criss crossed marks, you'd just ask if i had a cat.

I look at the poem and frown, they never end up in a prpoer rhyme. I suppose they don't really have to. No one else will see them. So why should I try so hard if all i'm doing is trying to vent? It sounded so stupid when I read it outloud, but it's true.

It's been two years since he's been gone. Two, and i'm still not over his death. Ms. Hudson is over it, Mycroft, his own _brother_ is over it. And yet, here I am, still greiving over some bloody _sociopath._ But, I know something. That, as I sit here in my bedroom, laptop sitting properly on my lap, i know. I love him.

Am I gay? I don't know, I don't have an attraction to men themselves, but when it comes to sherlock, I just... I just... Oh look, i'm crying again, and now i'm sobbing. Laptop forgotten I greive into my pillow. Memories clear as day flash before my eyes, from crime scenes to just eating dinner at Angelo's or drnking a cup of tea while Sherlock sits watchng crap TV. It hurts, alot. It hurts so much I can't breath.

I won't do it, it's not a proper outing, i'll write another poem. No, that won't work, who am I kidding? Nothing will work. I'm going, I get up and walk to the bathroom where I know a razor is waiting for me. Will this help, it seems to help, if not ony a little bit. It doesn't make the pain bearable, but I try. Trying isn't working though.

I run the blade across my wrists, blood slowly flowing out. The pain of today, and every day before drip down the drain, but it's not working. I wonder if Ms. Hudson will notice if something's up if I go out. I'll go to the pub, and drink myself sick. But if that still doesn't keep the pain at bay, i will jump.

**A/N Hello! So I just want to point out my inspiration for this. It's a poem I read on Ifunny, and a fan vid on youtube for Sherlock called heart of stone ;-; it was sad and made me cry.**

**The poem almost made me cry, but here it is ( I take no credit for this poem, it doesn't belong to me at all ) :**

**His scarf was blue,**

**The pavement was red,**

**They thought he was a fake**

**Now Sherlock is dead.**

**His wrists were red,**

**His days were blue,**

**Sherlock didn't come back**

**So John jumped, too.**

**The flowers were yellow,**

**the grass was green,**

**now nobody dwells**

**At 221B.**


	2. Chapter One

Chapter One.

To jump or not to jump, there really is no question.

" Bye, Ms. Hudson! I'll be back by two!" I yell as I close the door, wispering a " maybe. " under my breath as I go.

I call for a cab, and get in, giving directions to the driver and lean back against the seat, just being, once again.

"Hey! We're here, pay up." The driver said rudely, but I don't care, I just smiled and payed him.

I walked out and into the pub, imeadiantly sitting in a booth in the far corner, and ordered a glass of crown and coke to start off. I didn't waste any time to finish my drink, and ordered another one, and another, and another.

This went on until I coudn't see, nor talk very clearly. I got up and payed to bill, and discoverd I couldn't walk very well either, so I staggerednout of the pub, across the street and down the road.

I think i'm going somewhere specific, but i'm not sure. I rememer the fence, the glossy black gate too. I stumble over roots and Little hills and get a better look at my surroundings.

..._**Shit.**_

I'm in the cemetary. Well, I might as well go and visit him. Sherlock, that is. His glossy black headstone lightly covered in pollen and dust. Spring is in two weeks.

I sit down on the grass and turn, my back resting on the headstone, and I speak.

" You know, Sherlock, it's really fucked up that you're dead. I mean, did you really have to go and jump? Just leave me completey by my self? what? did you think i'd find a nice girl and marry her and have a child, and then name him something like _Hamish? "_

My words are slurred, and I laugh silently to myself as I begin to feel tears drip off my chin and onto my hands.

" I did have a little relationship with a girl for about a month, but I couldn't take it anymore. I can't be with anyone that's not you. I'm pretty pathetic aren't I?"

I continued talking like that until I fell asleep, and drempt of when he was alive, and we'd go out and solve crimes.

_{ _Time skip }__

I come to in my room. I stare at the ceiling and try to remember how I got here. I can't think of anything. I get up and go to the kitchen and make tea.

Walking into the living room, I give Sherlock his tea and sit down and drink mine, and pull out a book to read. After five minutes of realizing what just happened I spit put my tea and drop the book. I stand up fast and look at him.

...processing...processing...processing...

" Um, hello John."

_**"What the bloody hell?!" **_I screech and pull him up by his collar

" I can explain! See, what happened was when I was on the roof I had a plan, but then Moriarty. He shot himsel- oof!" I didn't care for the explaination, I punched him with all the rage I had

" I don't care you- you- you... Bloody git! You fuck nugget titty burger! I hate you!" I randomly spout nonsense, while trying to _make sence_.

" Do you know what you did to me? Do you know how much pain you caused, what the hell Sherlock!" I throw my hands in the air to try and make a point

" I'm sorry, John, really, but I had to stay hidden. They were going to Kill you! Damn it John! I did this for you!"

" Get out."

" _John, please..."_

" I said _GET OUT!"_

" NO." He grabbed my hands and glared at me, making eye contact the whole time, daring me to say another word.

**(A/N) and that's it for today folks! Should I continue? I wrote that last part and then my brain just went " nope, no more inspiration! Writers block for you, haha, in the middle of a fight too!" soo... sorry lol .**


End file.
